So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I want to be your penis for a week.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
