margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Mom said you looked used
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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