I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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