smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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