So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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