I need help removing her.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
