I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize