I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
