Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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