did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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