I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
