My liver just broke up with me...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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