Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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