come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
