Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
