Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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