Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
