You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
