I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
