They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize