If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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