You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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