i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
