If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
