Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
