i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you never un-have a 4some
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize