do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
