Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
