Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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