so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
