I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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