I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They took my balls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
