Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she looked like the before picture.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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