every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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