Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize