dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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