I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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