if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
