I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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