His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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