so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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