honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
