you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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