I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
