i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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