I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
