Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
