i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
