I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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