Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
