So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
