i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
