I bet he comes in French.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
