i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
