I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
