do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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