Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
