I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
