I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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