He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
