I wish life had little blips of pornography
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
