I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
