I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
