Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well I just put wine in my tea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
