nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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