i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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