My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
