oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i already hear my dad disowning me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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