So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
