I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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