shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
