New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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