There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
