That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
