my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
