I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
