really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
