I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
