Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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