Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
