You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
