It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
