"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
