Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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