Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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