I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
