i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
did i walk over a car last night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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