got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
