please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
