My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
