mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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