I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
