Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
