and i looked up. we had an audience...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
