how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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