walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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